Thursday, December 8, 2022

A World Cup Final That Never Happened As Buffon Loses His Head After Robben ‘Literally’ Lost His!

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Ayush Chaurasia
Sports Management Graduate. Wannabe sports manager/writer and researcher. If not found disscussing about sports, will be seen talking about movies or tv shows. Miserable rest of the times.

Disclaimer: The following article is a work of satire and the writer doesn’t mean to offend any of the Italian players and people. The writer respects the genius and commitment of Gianluigi Buffon for his club and country and doesn’t want to belittle any of his achievements. (Inspired By True Events)

The year is 2018 and Gianluigi Buffon is set to play in his last World cup. The Italians have made to the finals by beating Belgium (read Tottenham) in the semifinals. They are up against the Netherlands who are managed by Ronald Koeman. That Koeman who Everton fans have nightmares of. That man who brought them a long way from the vicinity of mid-table to the wilderness of the relegation zone. Oh, and he spent £150m odd in the transfer market to achieve that.

The game kicked off and it was a horror of a start for the Italians as they conceded 2 goals by the half-hour mark. The score at halftime was 2-0 and the Italians were looking for inspiration. Mancini made some tactical changes and brought on his favourite boy Mario Balotelli at halftime. He changed the game for the Italians (Yes, he is still capable of changing the game. At least in the world of fiction and satire) and they struck back at 2-2 by the 85th-minute mark.

Then came the moment where the major incident of the game took place, it was a corner for the Dutch into the stoppage time and as the ball was delivered, Mario Balotelli out of nowhere sweet chin music’d Arjen Robben in the box.

Remember this challenge from De Jong On Alonso? Now imagine Balotelli’s foot on Robben’s face!

The Dutch players had surrounded Balotelli and were asking the referee to send him off and after some lengthy protests from the Italian players, Balotelli was finally sent off and he had a typical “Mario Balotelli reaction to that decision-

Why Always Me Ehh…?

The Italians were continuing their protest and they were claiming that their dear ‘Super Mario’ went for the ball. It came as a surprise for everyone to know that the Italians were counting a player’s head as a ball. The protest went on further and Buffon suddenly lost it and he said some harsh words directed at the referee. The ref had enough and went on to send Buffon off.

The moment where Buffon Lost it and said something offensive to the referee.

Later it was revealed that Buffon had threatened the ref by saying he is going to ”sleep with the fishes” and threatened him by saying he will personally go to Don Corleone to talk about this matter. That was enough for the Referee to show him the Red card but will it be enough to save his life? Only time will tell.

After all the drama Robben stepped up to take the penalty and he slotted it home. The full-time whistle went off after few minutes and on their 4th try, the Dutch were able to lift the World Cup for the first time. Meanwhile, some scousers from Everton finally thought they had some bragging rights over Liverpool as they claimed they had a manager who is a World Cup winner. All Liverpool fans had to do was remind them that they are yet to win at Anfield in the 21st century.

Meanwhile, the scenes turned ugly after the final whistle as the Azzuris exited the pitch and didn’t come back to take their runners-up medal.

Buffon went on a rant about the ref when a journalist asked him about the penalty incident. He started the rant with a hand gesture like this-

He said,” You can’t ruin the dreams of a man and a team which is full of old guys. Is this the way you respect your elders. The referee had a disaster. A disaster as big as Fredo teaming up with Hyman Roth and Johnny Ola against the Corleone family. If he(the referee) can’t handle the pressure and have the courage to make a decision, then he should just sit in the stands and eat your crisps.’’

You think we were kidding about Buffon’s hand gesture? Well, think again!
P.s- There is a reason why that hand gesture is an Italian Stereotype. Everyone does it there!

Dictionary- Sleeping With The Fishes: An old Sicilian message; meaning to be killed and have one’s body disposed of in the sea or other water bodies. Famously used in The Godfather movie.

                                                                                              The END

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