Monday, November 28, 2022

Danny Rose Hypnotises Southgate (While Sitting On The Bench) To Book A Ticket To The World Cup!

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Abhishek Majumdar
Editor in Chief of The 4th Official. A man in his thirties who worries about the nuances of the financial aspects of football and how it will impact the game in the long term.

Yes, you heard it right! Danny Rose, the England and Tottenham Hotspur full-back, knows the art of Hypnotism! Otherwise, how is it possible for a person, who has spent a chunk of the season on the bench and has been throwing tantrums at his team management regarding the selection policy and wage structure at the West London club, to be selected for the World Cup squad?

The 27-year-old has been one of the best left backs in England for a good part of his career but has been off-colour lately, especially after the long-term injury break that he had to go through. Despite his agony of being left on the bench, the defender was determined to make his way to the England squad for the World Cup and so he did, to the surprise of a number of people, including me.

To set the records straight, the English international played only 21 games in all competitions in the entire 2016/17 campaign and saw himself getting replaced by the Welsh youngster Ben Davies in the Tottenham Hotspur lineup. The unfortunate injury kept him out of contention to be available for squad selection during a major part of the 2017/18 season as well, as the 27-year-old ended the season with a total of 17 matches under his belt.

His selection raises serious questions on what kind of drugs the selectors were on while announcing the squad. It also shows how pathetic the situation for one of the strongest sides in World football (well, mostly on paper) that they have, literally, two and a half men (defenders), shielding the left side of their defence (Ashley Young, Fabian Delph and the great Danny Rose).

Let’s take a look at the “left backs” who have been selected along with Mr Rose for the job to be done by manager Gareth Southgate, who was probably under some kind of influence for sure. (Drumrolls……) Ashley Young and Fabian Delph!! Yes, it is understood that both the players have had a huge part in their respective sides’ wonderful campaign in the Premier League this season but they were forced to be used by the managers as left backs due to the unavailability of the regular ones, not that they were the natural choices to start at the aforementioned position.

But what was the issue with Gareth Southgate while selecting his side for the WORLD CUP?? How could he leave out someone like Ryan Bertrand, who is fit, in good form and raring to go? Even his selection of Ruben Loftus Cheek ahead of Jack Wilshere in the midfield is indicative of the fact that he was surely under some influence while picking the team (Thank Danny later, Ruben)!

So, here is my conclusion on this “scrupulous” selection by Mr Southgate. Danny Rose was quite desperate to make it into the World Cup squad and while sitting on the bench, he worked up a master plan. He learnt a trick or two about hypnotising people and used the trick on Southgate when he went to the national camp for the friendlies. And then… well, you know the result.

So world, get ready to behold the aura of the great Danny Rose as he dons the number 3 shirt for England and gets out on the pitch come June. And one piece of advice, keep your eyes down when he comes on the screen, or you might just get “‘Rose’ted”! You know what I mean, right?

(N.B: So as not to get bombarded on twitter, we obviously know that Danny Rose is not dabbling in the dark arts to hypnotise Southgate. We are doing what is called exaggerating to make a point)

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