In a recent turn of events, it was discovered that post his exclusion from the German squad for the FIFA World Cup, Manuel Neuer has been taking flying lessons to somehow get on a plane to Russia. Having earned his license after crashing Marc-Andre Ter Stegen’s house thrice by mistake, Neuer nominated himself the captain of the flight allotted to take the Die Mannschaft to Russia. The keeper who is obsessed with saving everything that comes his way was found saving birds from the sky only to realize that the feathered creatures can fly.
The hard news was broken to Neuer by German coach Joachim Loew, whose own position is under threat after security measures in Russia mandated a cleanliness test for everyone. Having lost his spot to Ter-Stegen, Neuer has vowed to be a team player and claims he had nothing to do with the Barcelona keeper’s stolen gloves that were found in his car.
The keeper, who was Spider-man’s action double in the last Avengers movie, cited the Frank Ribery effect for his season-long injury and has urged the Frenchman to join Manchester United next season for absolutely unrelated reasons.
When asked about the difficulties he faced during his rehab, Neuer blew away the question by showing the book written by England’s upcoming World Cup hero Jack Wilshere’s record seller, “How to enjoy the sidelines”.
He was also spotted deep in conversation on Skype with his idol, a certain goalkeeping legend currently residing in Merseyside, hidden in a safe house away from the Kops. Besides training Neuer, Karius is also reportedly recording his new cover for Britney Spears’ single “Oops I Did It Again” and Neuer is said to have been awed by the performance of Karius.
Coupled with the rejection from the World Cup squad, he has decided to hang up his goalkeeping boots and begin a new career in midfield. The keeper has already approached Barcelona with the idea of replacing Iniesta although he understands his goal-scoring prowess may undermine the development of an upcoming kid from Argentina at Nou Camp and hence Barca might opt against the move.
The German machine plans to use the World Cup as his auditioning stage and believes that given the poor quality of the midfield in the national team, he can easily outsmart the below average players like Kroos and Ozil into a first-team spot. The Bayern Munich star has requested a practice match against the Brazilians citing the reason that if Khedira can score against them, anyone can.
Note: Obviously this is a work of fiction. The disclaimer is so given so that we are not bombarded with mentions on Twitter.
