Ah, the transfer deadline day is almost over. In the distance, if you see something bright, it’s probably not a star, no, but a fax machine going up in flames, in perhaps a celebratory bonfire, on the occasion of the close of the mind-numbing, soul-crushing, eye-watering two day period that brings out the worst and the best in us.
Worst, as like savages, clubs look to poach targets of others, CEOs holding teams and careers for ransom, and players making bad to worse career choices stemming from bad to worse advice, from money grabbing agents.
Good part of it includes, of course, the industry of the men women behind the countless man hours put behind doing their jobs right – a process of a well-done transfer deal ranges from astute scouts who give up days and nights traveling through Europe looking for the next big thing to shrewd data analysts crunching numbers and picking up patterns, and forward-minded managers who take the chance to back all that effort. Oh, and not to forget us journalists and blogger, without whom football would never be as shiny and fastidiously pandered as it is. We count.
On that breezy note, T4O’s trequartista, JD, comes up with five mind-boggling transfers which put a waste to all that good work and left us flabbergasted.
#5 Jack Wilshere
From: Arsenal
To: Bournemouth
The star of Jack Wilshere is waning, and there’s all for him to do at Eddie Howe’s mad dog, Bournemouth, to first, establish himself as a first-team regular fending off Harry Arter, Lewis Cook and Surman; and then get his fitness levels up. In whichever order. However, the most surprising aspect of the whole outgoing transfer situation at Arsenal is the fact that they have chosen to loan out Calum Chambers to Boro, Joel Campbell to Sporting Lisbon, and now Wilshere to Bournemouth, offload Gnabry to the Wolfsburg; yet, yet Yaya Sanogo survives the cull. Go figure.
#4 Alvaro Arbeloa
From: Real Madrid
To: West Ham
World Cup winner, two-times Champions League Winner, Fifa World Club Cup Winner, La Liga winner, Supercopa winner, two-time Copa Del Rey champ… makes his way to West Ham. The former Liverpool man has won a bucketful after leaving England, and will have to contend with not winning much in his one-year spell in London. Same difference.
#3 Mario Balotelli
From: Liverpool
To: Nice
On a permanent deal that cost Nice nothing. Too good to be true but it is. We at T4O are surprised that Liverpool didn’t actually have to pay the French club for taking them off their hands. But, hey, we guess you don’t get to be called Nice for nothing, eh?
#2 David Luiz
From: PSG
To: Chelsea
I don’t even know where to start. David Luiz is the first defender to total up £100m+ in fees: 2011: £21m; 2014: £50m; 2016: £32m. His agent is rolling in cash right now, like Uncle Scrooge from Duck Tales.
Chelsea bought David Luiz for £21 million from Benfica, sold him for £50 million and bought him back for £30 mil. So, the overall expenditure, strictly speaking in terms of transfer fees is £1 million. A convoluted way to do business, but they do have priors with old flings if you take into account the trysts with Nemanja Matic, Jose Mourinho and Guus Hiddink. Chelsea, what a sideshow, eh? The glove fits.
#1 Joe Hart
From: Manchester City
To: Torino
There’s no way to explain this one, apart from the fact that Joe Might be opening himself to a whole new cultural experience. And at least Joe Hart will now play in front of a bigger crowd at the 28k capacity Stadio Olimpico Grande Torino, than at Man City’s banter-ously named, Emptyhad.
